Archive for the ‘melancholy’ Category

He really thought it was about the eggs.

February 25, 2009

It’s the arguments about nothing that are the most worrisome.    

If you feel loved, respected, then you assume the wrong sized eggs are the product of an accidental purchase, not due to lack of caring.   Not due to someone “never listening,” not due to your other half  making a “passive aggressive attempt to hinder your stress-reducing desire to bake.”

A heated argument about nothing is really an argument about EVERYTHING.

Everything that is wrong in your relationship. 

He doesn’t listen.

You nag.

He listens even less.

You nag even more.

You don’t feel heard or appreciated.

Neither does he.

And there isn’t an easy solution.  Especially when both parties feel wronged.  

It’s easier to hang out with friends, focus on kids, worry about the house, bake a cake, then it is to solve what seems unsolvable.

So, I exercise, go to movies.  Drive the kids to activities.  Work.   Have fun with friends, enjoy life, for the most part.

However, something is missing.   The something that makes me cry over love songs.   Despise romantic movies.   Avoid old boyfriends.  And eat another brownie, when, actually I’m full.


And I’m sure tomorrow I will regret having pushed “Publish.”

March 11, 2008

I’m drinkiing generic Kool-Aid, the red flavor.

Eating generic cool-whip from the container.

I was grumpy at both kids after work today.

I suck at Monopoly.

I have $1.92 in my checking account (after a $2.00 deposit.). Which, sadly, feels like a victory, because it’s better than a negative balance.

The mere existence of my dog is pissing me off.

I’m feeling whine-y and bitchy and put upon.

And guilty about feeling whine-y and bitchy and put upon, when there are people with actual tragedies occurring in their lives….


November 19, 2007

Today is not a good day. At least not for me. Not for my family. It’s the same old story, boy meets girl, girl gets pregnant and they live unhappily ever after. Or something like that.

Furthermore, I was reading a forum post about the “top 5” things people want to do in their lives, and realized I have none. Okay, I would like to exclusively own matching bra and panty sets and I’d like to go to Italy, but other than that, I’m goal-less.

It all makes me sad and weary. And I’m not a sad and weary type of person, so havin’ a heaping helpin’ of sadness on my plate, with a ketchup-like coating of weary is hard for me to fathom.

It’s thick and sticky and I feel like I’m sinking. It’s like the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only not in Boston, in my brain and not molasses, but mournfulness.

August 29, 2007

Yesterday I was all shiny (no make-up) and whiny (bad personality) and today I’m all itchy (need lotion, now!) and bitchy (lack of sleep). I don’t feel “down” exactly, just bored. Craving excitement, craving FUN!!!
How boring am I, that at 35, invited to a wine tasting party tonight and all I can think is “mehh….”
And a list of difficulties:
1. It’s a school/work night.
2. Um, dinner, who would make dinner?
3. Kids, those darn, pesky kids, who would take care of them?
4. My hair looks like crap today.
5. Ditto to my face….
6. What to wear?
7. I’d have to drive, all the way to Peoria and back….

So, I guess while I say I want to have “FUN” I also want it to be effortless; a super-FUN event at which I could have stringy hair, casual clothes, a babysitter, food, and a built-in excuse to take tomorrow off work.

Any suggestions?

List living vs. sunshine and sunny spirits

March 15, 2007

In February my life fell into “List living mode,” in which life becomes about completing one thing so I can move onto the next, very important task. 

Thaw out meat.  Peel potatoes. Put laundry in the washer.  Fold laundry in the dryer.  Quiz daughter, prepositions (that list becomes a meaningless tongue twister quite rapidly… “concerning, down, during,”) Cut up fruit for dinner.  Pee. Wash hands. Check on dinner.  Check laundry.  Check daughter, rinse, repeat, reuse, recycle….

 It’s not the monotony of the list.  On normal days I take joy in a lovely, perfectly peeled potato. Joy, in my daughter “teaching” me about prepositions and coming up with wacky prepositional phrases.  But when life just becomes about completing one task so as to move to the next, with no joy, it’s tedious. 

Luckily the sunshine woke me up.  The brightness of the rays, the briskness of the wind, the sound of birds chirping brought out a deep sense of satisfaction and joy. 

I hope everyone else is feeling the same way.