She went to grade school with him.

Yes, the following conversation really took place, via IM:

Me:  Chris told Rea last night that she can date E.

did I tell you that?

He also told her that teenage boys have boners like 23 hours a day

or maybe 24, I can’t remember

SS:   ahh
Me:   That was part of the explanation on why she can’t go on car dates, LOL
SS:   Well, I am glad he agreed.
Me:   Rea’s friend Z’s mom friended me on facebook

and I noticed we have a mutual friend


and I just sent her a message asking her how she knows him

SS:   A woman?

We went to school with?

Me:   But now if she answers, like, “we worked together” or “went to school together” and asks how I knew/know him….
SS:   Oh sorry,

I don’t know who he is?

Me:   Do I answer “I fucked him in 10th grade” or what?

okay, that was lewd

but she’s like, religious

SS:   I don’t remember that

or him

Me:   Yah, you didn’t know him

but, like it would be pretty funny, especially since she’s friends with a TON of P’ville moms.

SS:  Well yes, you should say that then.

Me:   If I just said it casually…

they would all think I was nuts

SS:    A new book called “Laid” just came out in the bookstores. It is an amazing compilation of stories written by teenagers and young adults about their sexual experiences.

I am quoting.

Me:   And maybe it was like 12th grade, because he was born in 73 (me in 71) and I would hate to think I had sex with. like, an 8th grader.

Because that would just be gross.

SS:   How did you know him?
Me:    Oh, I dated him for awhile.
SS:    Well, aside from the fucking

but how did you meet him?

Me:    I broke up with him because he asked what the word “heinous” meant

and he also asked me if I had ever had sex with “a black guy.”

Those two things combined, poor grammar and racism

SS:   How heinous
Me:    Yes, not a good combo
SS:   ahh
Me:    So I could always tell her that
SS: yes

maybe she will ask him first how he knows you

MeWe had a sexual relationship until he used incorrect grammar and made a racist comment.”
SS:    If they are good friends
Me:  Because then you know, she would be like, “Well, Jennifer may have had sex as a teenager

but at least she had STANDARDS.”

SS:   yes

This is a mystery shop: Call the spousal abuse hotline and pose as a woman seeking counseling for abuse. This will be a recorded shop through our xxxxx system with very little shop form to fill out. We’re wanting to know how the call center responds to your needs and what advice they give.

Me:   Wow, that’s the craziest mystery shop ever
SS:  Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to change the subject
Me:  Oh, that’s okay.

Now, maybe if we had had sex someplace weird it would make a better story

SS:     and if you told the moms that detail, too.
Me:   like, “‘CF?’ Oh, I knew him because we fucked in the back of the van on the way home from a church lock-in.”
Me:   Now, see this is the kind of thing I could blog about

but I worry about people judging me

I used to not worry about that

being less anonymous sucks

SS:  You should blog about it.


Me:  I just now, in rereading this as a blog post,

realize that you asked “What if she asks him first how he knows you?

and I had totally not caught that the first time 

SS:  Are you going to include the part about the dremel and how I can drill holes in shit?

Me:   And now I’m like “holy shit!”

SS:   ahh

Me:    What if he tells her I’m some huge slutbag?  That would really suck! 

SS:    Yeah, hopefully he will be tactful.

Me:   Like my blog post?


One Response to “She went to grade school with him.”

  1. HollowSquirrel Says:

    More crass is funnier. Or, crassier is funnier. Is that a word (and now are you going to break up with me)?

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