I have more paintings in my DUNGEON.

Thursday was an odd day.   First, I was cleaning the hallway bathroom and, once done, I immediately hopped in the shower.  WITHOUT first grabbing a towel from the linen closet, which is down the hall. Since I had just cleaned the bathroom there were no stray towels.  With teenage boys in the house I couldn’t exactly complete a drippy walk of forgetfulness from the bathroom to the closet.   Luckily,  I could clearly hear Taylor and his friend in his bedroom, playing X-Box, so I called for him:

Taylor

Taylor!

TAYLOR!

TAYLOR! TAYLOR! TAYLOR!

Finally he came to the door.

“GEEZ Mom, you don’t have to yell.”

Um, yes, apparently I do.

(How is it possible, acoustically, that I could hear every word they were saying and they couldn’t hear me until I bellowed repeatedly?) 

He begrudgingly got me a towel.  I finished getting ready and met my friend Katrina for lunch.  Luckily that part wasn’t strange and we had a nice time chatting.

Next I joined my friend SS for a walk.   Now,  SS is a strange-happenings-magnet.   I would say she attracts the weirdos, she would likely say the same thing about me.   (Of course, I would hazard a guess that my sister M. wins that prize, as one time she actually had a guy hop in her car at a shopping plaza,  whip “IT” out and just started chatting with her like nothing odd was going on.)

We walked about a block, then saw an older gentleman, also walking.  I said “Hi!” as I am wont to do anytime I make eye contact with a stranger.   The man said “Hello?” 

SS replied “Oh! Hello? I’m ‘SS,’ from xxxx Bar.”

(SS bartends and has worked at two bars, one is a strip club, one is not.   She, following rigorous SCIPAA privacy guidelines, mentioned the non-strip-club one. )  

(Of course, the guy was wearing a “world’s famous” strip club t-shirt, so he may not have cared much about hiding his desire to watch naked ladies dance.)

Asides aside, she recognized him, he recognized her, so he invited us in to see his paintings.

We conducted the requisite small talk as he led us into the house.   “Nice weather.”  “Good day for a walk.”   “Haven’t seen you in a long time.”   “I’ve been ill.”  “Hope you are feeling better.”

“I have colon cancer.”

That’s a quite a conversation stopper.   

“There are more paintings in here.  And here.  And there.”

We followed him through the house, making awkward comments about his artwork.  (For example, after seeing his name on a a plaque,  SS exclaimed, “Wow, STEVE, I really like this painting, STEVE.” ) 

Finally, we bid adieu with best wishes about hopefully not dying from colon cancer and headed back on our walk.

Trekking up a giant hill SS turned to me and said “Why did you go into his house?!!”

“Um, because you knew him.”

“Well, not really.  He came into my work about a year ago and I waited on him.  I think he came in a year before that, too,  but I don’t really know him.”

But really, how well does anyone know anyone else?  Yes, Steve could have been a serial killer, lurking about outside, hoping to lure gullible hill walkers into his house.  But, more likely, he’s a socially handicapped lonely guy that just wanted to show someone his artwork.  

(Or he could be all/none of the above.)

We discussed this as SS walked and I huffed and puffed.  (Hill walking is hard!)   Reaching the summit, we walked by lovely homes and gazed at the pretty Peoria skyline.   Overhead was a bird, which SS identified as a turkey vulture.  turkey vulture      

I hate birds, so I was a bit worried.  Especially when the first was joined by four or five more.   And they seemed to be following us.   I believe they could sense my exhaustion from the hill walking and were just waiting for my imminent collapse so they could consume my carcass.

Moreover, I worried that Steve may have had the same plan and suggested an alternate route back to our car, one that wouldn’t take us right by his house.

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8 Responses to “I have more paintings in my DUNGEON.”

  1. HollowSquirrel Says:

    STRANGER DANGER! Lordy. Glad you were with her so she wasn’t made into a skin cape.

  2. Mary Says:

    I have that same problem with the boys not being able to hear me, when I can clearly hear them. It is frustrating. I also have the same problem of getting stranded in the bathroom without a towel sometimes.

    I think we also both have the same problem of being overly friendly and trusting. Maybe we should take some assertiveness training. Or a basic preschool level safety class.

    • Jennifer Says:

      But we wouldn’t have to many adventures if we were, you know, normally cautious, like regular human beings?
      Of course, this is a case of “do as I say, not as I do,” when it comes to teaching my children the rules of safety.

  3. idonotknowme Says:

    When encountering strangers, I recommend a minimal nod of the head to acknowledge them and move on. Unless it is a hot chick. In which case she gets a friendly “hello” and a smile. Followed by checking out her ass after she passes.

  4. Katie Says:

    You two get into the weirdest situations. I’m glad you two are OK!

  5. Cameron Says:

    “I hate birds…..”

    That’s too funny, that reminds me of The Firehouse when we met. You said, “I hate birds,” followed by dead silence, followed by MM ripping you with, “Yeah I hate birds with their general happiness and carefree lifestyle.”

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