*My brain on drugs.

Prednisone, day 1:

Reading a woman’s magazine.  Boy, that husband and wife are just like my husband and myself, we need to do what that counsellor says! He needs to start respecting my need for introspection and I need to validate his feelings so that we can have a more fulfilling, those jeans look cute!  But $168.  That’s too much.  Did I pay the orthodontist this month?  Will Rea get her braces off in time for graduation?  I need to take her dress shopping.  Crap.   My idea of appropriate and her idea of appropriate, two totally different things.  And what if she wants to wear flip flops?  Those giant clunky kind, half the girls at Taylor’s graduation were wearing those.  Tacky.  What were their mothers thinking?   But why assume mothers?  Why don’t fathers ever get the blame for that kinda shit?  I mean, really?  You walk into my house and it’s messy and do you think, “Oh, CHRIS should get out the GD vacuum?”  Boy, the dining room REALLY needs to be vacuumed.   How did those feathers get in there?   Like, when you are in a hotel and there are birds flying around and it’s like, shit, don’t those birds crap on shit?

Prednisone, day 2

Crap, I just swallowed a grapefruit seed.   Why does this grapefruit taste like sulfer?   Hmm.. didn’t my medicine somewhere say something about NOT eating grapefruit?  Oh, well.   I hate Matt.   Amy, I like.  But if I were married to Matt, I think I’d kill him.  He’s, like, such an asshole.   He didn’t even go to Mollie’s graduation.  Seriously.   What a dick.   Mollie looks so grown up.  Reagan looks grown up, too, and she’s my last baby.  Crap.   (Crying over the graduation scene).   Those toddlers in their damn tiaras.  Creepy.   God, this chicken is taking forever to thaw.   (Cuts up chicken).  No way is that dad straight.  NO WAY.   That lady seriously does not look okay in that outfit.  NO, it doesn’t make you look skinny!  And, NO, crowns from tournaments that you PAID to enter are not “prestigious awards.”

Prednisone, day 3:

Tay got a test back.  It predicts he will score a 24 on the ACT.  A 24?  That SUCKS!  He’ll never get into a decent college based upon that.  OMG.  We need to take him to one of those places… like Sylvan?  Seriously.   I took the ACT with Karma.  We went out the night before, got totally trashed.  Slept on some dude’s floor in Germantown.  Got up, wearing the same clothes, reeking of alcohol and drove and took the test.   I remember thinking “Aren’t those dots pretty, lalala.”   AND I did better than a 24!  Shit. 

The hubs:  “I think you are overreacting”

No, I’m not.  Seriously.  That sucks, a 24?   He must have made a goddamn pattern with the dots for that low of a score.    He has a 3.75 gpa and rocks the chess team.   I’m not expecting him to score in the thirties, but a GD 24?     

Prednisone, day 4:

My turn signal is going clickclickclick, instead of click click click.  Shit.  Is the little knob-by sticky thing broken?  But it only does it when I turn right.  Maybe I’m imagining it?  Maybe this prednisone is messing with my perceptions?   Its chemical name does begin with “meth.”  I’m going to tell the kids that I am doing meth.  Yah, that would be appropriate.  Reagan wouldn’t be surprised.  She’s always thinking I’m crazy, but I’m not!  Just eccentric.    One day she opened the glove compartment and was like “YOU SMOKE?”  because there’s a pack of cigarettes in it.  Only there aren’t any cigarettes IN the pack.  Instead tool-y like things.. you know, little metal things.. what are they called?  Nuts?  bolts?  Fuck, I don’t know, mechanical shit, that the dude that owned the car before me (who I swear must have been a heating vent pee-er) left in the glove compartment for me.   Anyway, did she seriously think I hid a smoking habit from her for fourteen years?  Or that, at the age of 37, I thought, WTF,  I think I’ll take up a habit that KILLS people?     

Prednisone, day 5:

OMG I am so fucking tired.  This damn medicine is making me hyper and I can’t sleep.   I’ve also gained four pounds.    My co-workers probably are sick of my toe tapping.   Amongst other things, I’m sure!   Plus my poor husband, getting to hear all my ranting.  “I hate Tatiana!”  “She can’t even sing”  “Boy her thighs are HUGE!”  (They are smaller than mine though! )   When is Western going to send me an acceptance letter?   What should I get the kids for Easter?    What should we have for Easter dinner?   Fuck, what are we having for tonight’s dinner?

 

*Sadly, the drugs only brought about the foul mouthed Jennifer.  The rambling, incoherent thought, well, that’s all me.

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9 Responses to “*My brain on drugs.”

  1. Cameron Says:

    Wow….

    Ok, I’ll address three things.

    a) Grapefruit causes some sort of weird rapid drug absorption. But I like the pink grapefruit, not quite as bitter.

    b) 24 is a respectable ACT score…I mean, I did better, but I’m above average.

    c) The clickclickclick means you have a bulb burnt out on the right side, either front or back (I’m guessing back)

  2. Brick Says:

    What kind of hotels have you been staying at? Seriously . . . birds flying around? Or, is that just the drugs? No, drugs would bring on bats.

    “tool-y like things.. ” Oh, so that’s what they’re calling it these day, huh?

    Good luck.

  3. Mary Says:

    Is it Tuesday? Maybe you can continue on Random Thought Tuesday with days6, 7, & 8.

  4. Rix Says:

    Ooooh. Prednisone. It should be called predni-crack. Except crack makes people lose weight and prednisone definitely does not. I hope it helps, tho!

  5. Katie Says:

    If I remember correctly, that PACT is a load of crap. Everyone I knew did much better on ACT than was predicted. Mine was off by 8 points…but that was almost 15 years ago….Tay is very smart. He will do just fine on his ACT!

  6. Jennifer Says:

    Oh.. you guys are so smart, thanks for the advice (and encouragement).

    Cameron, you are right, it was the turn signal light. I took it to the mechanic and had it changed. (31.89!)

    Am I the only one that’s seen birds inside at a hotel? Hmm.. maybe I did hallucinate that.

    I’ve been off the meds for 3 or so days and STILL CANNOT SLEEP!

  7. Sarah Says:

    I got a 19 on my ACT or was that the SAT either way I sucked at the score and I still got into Bradley, I dropped out a semester later but I dont think that has anything to do with my ACT score : )

    Damn it if I keep forgetting to put your new blog on my blog roll!!!

  8. Sara Says:

    Oh, I hope you are feeling better from whatever has you on prednisone. I happen to be taking a 12 day course of the stuff right now, too. This, after a shorter 5 day course 2 weeks ago that did not do the trick. It is some serious stuff, I haven’t slept well in days 🙂

  9. HollowSquirrel Says:

    dude. I like the foul-mouthed Jennifer.

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