Tooth Fairy Tales

I suck at being the tooth fairy.

Several times I totally forgot to commit the monetary/tooth switcheroo; imagine having to explain to your six year old that the tooth fairy had a rough night full of hookers and meth and just couldn’t manage the fly-by. “But he’ll get back to you!”

The older my daughter got, the less that flew.

One early morning, in a panic over forgetting, (yet again!) and realizing that I had no cash on hand, I crafted a note to Reagan saying:

“Dear Reagan,
Thank you so much for your tooth. I’m a little short on cash right now, damn strippers took all my singles, but I’m applying for a payday loan and will get back to you tomorrow.”
The Tooth Fairy”

Writing the note was a serious operation, planned out like someone trying to commit “the perfect murder.” I used untraceable copy paper, disguised my handwriting, shredded the first drafts.*

Reagan opened it and said:

“This is from YOU!
If it were from the tooth fairy it would be GLITTERY!

Busted by a seven year old!

Another time, hurrying in the morning, I stuck two $1 bills under her pillow and left for class. Later my husband called and said “Why did you do that?”


“Give Reagan $11 for her tooth?”

Shit. That was my lunch money!

I debated leaving a note under her pillow that night saying:

“Dear Reagan,
I hope you enjoyed the extra money I left for you last night. I hit it big in Vegas and decided to give you a cut. The feds are after me, though, so please forgive me if future payments are late; I’m on the run from ‘the man.’
The Tooth Fairy”

But, I didn’t have any glitter.

*Yes, my mania runs deep and includes buying “special Santa wrapping paper” (ALL the “Santa presents” are wrapped in paper that has Santa ON it so as to seperate them from the “mommy and daddy presents”), using flour to leave Santa prints on the living room carpet, and using a different colored ink on the (totally different) gift tags. (Santa gets red ink, obviously, and parents use green!)

Thanks “Notes from the Trailerhood,” your post today helped me think of something to blog about!


12 Responses to “Tooth Fairy Tales”

  1. tsheets Says:

    Great story!!

    re: the wrapping paper…kids are too sharp sometimes! I remember doing the same thing..separate paper that you have to hide for the Santa presents!

  2. Secret Server Says:

    Do you still question my decision to NOT do Santa and Tooth Fairy? I still don’t think I robbed my children of the magical innocence of mythical benefactors, but I do think your kids got better gifts of humor. You put a smile on my face.

  3. Sarah Says:

    Too funny!! When mt 7 year old lost her first tooth…I actually lost the tooth before she was supposed to go to sleep so we had to write a note to the tooth fairy swearing that we weren’t just trying to swindle money that an actual tooth had been lost! LOL

  4. jenjw4 Says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s awful about this! (Well, I guess my husband must be, too, or we REALLY shouldn’t have screwed up so many times!).

    Oh, I doubt your kids are missing out and they do seem to have much healthier ideas (ie, are less greedy) of holidays than my kids do!

    Yes, the seperate paper and disguising the handwriting on the gift tags are so important! I think my kids believed til 5th or 6th grade. Unless I was being conned, that is!

  5. idonotknowme Says:

    We always left a little glitter on J2’s pillow when the tooth fairy visited. It was fun to have “evidence” to point to when he started questioning the tooth fairy’s existence. I am looking forward to doing the same to G.

  6. Jennifer Says:

    See, the smart people are right, glitter is the key!

  7. katearch1978 Says:

    Jen – You are my hero!

  8. Anon E. Mouse Says:

    Now that they have those colored dollar coins, the TF leave “gold” at my house.

  9. Jennifer Says:

    That’s a great idea, those are so much cooler than paper money, more fairy-tale like…

  10. jadedgirl Says:

    Holy shit! I did the same thing just like two weeks ago. LOL I just basically said that the tooth fairy was busy and she probably had many other kids to get to. (Actually…I just kept forgetting to stop and get cash and wasn’t able to put anything under the pillow.) So…One entire week later I finally remembered, and all I had was a damn five dollar bill. UGH. So guess what? the tooth fairy felt so bad for making Bub wait for a week for his reward, The-way-too-generous-fairy (ahem)…gave him five bucks. No gold filling either!
    Oh well…it went into his savings acount for Christmas presents.
    Bad mommy….bad mommy! No treats for me!!!!


    Live and learn I suppose. :o)

  11. Ladybugcda Says:

    Hi, I’m the Toothfairy Online. Please come visit my whimsical yet informative website, it is sure to make you smile! Don’t forget to leave your comments in my guestbook. Thanks!
    Good-bye, gotta fly!

  12. houdgisguch Says:

    How r u? your website is rocks
    I have a new band and we just had a live gig u can see here:

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