Deal or NO DEAL? Part 1.

Sorry for the radio silence, but I’ve been busy leading my “real” life, ie: auditioning to be on “Deal or No Deal” with my friend, SS.

That is the real reason I asked “What is the weirdest thing about me?”
Because Howie wanted to know.

The questions on the app made me think “Wow, I’m a shockingly boring person.” Or, alternately, “Wow, all my stories are way too adult to mention.”

For example: WHAT IS THE MOST INTERESTING JOB YOU HAVE EVER HAD? (Yes, the app does “shout” all the questions at you.)

Let me see… video store clerk? Postal employee? Nude model? Smoky the Bear at Steamboat Days? Telemarketer of funeral arrangements?

“WHAT IS THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT YOU THAT STRANGERS CAN’T TELL JUST BY LOOKING AT YOU?

Hmmm… does that mean “can’t tell just by looking at you.. when you are fully dressed?”

I’ll leave you to wonder about that one.

“WHAT WAS YOUR LUCKIEST MOMENT?”

This one I pondered and pondered. I couldn’t put the birth of either child, for fear of pissing off the other. I couldn’t put “both” because I believe in following the “rules” (thus no “I wish for more wishes” from Alladin’s lamp).

After much thought I put, “In second grade, my teacher, Mrs. Eaton, seated us alphabetically, resulting in my life long friendships with Katrina and MarySue. (The “luckiest moment” was in the alphabetical seating, so it doesn’t break the “rules”-I promise)

“WHAT IS THE NEXT MILESTONE IN YOUR LIFE?”

Menopause?

“TELL US AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT YOURSELF? (sic)”

Wow, that’s a difficult one.

Um, how about the time in high school my boyfriend’s* dad walked in on us having sex?
(*Shit, I almost put that apostrophe in the wrong place… that would have made the story even more “interesting!”)

Or the time bending down in a combo of low-rise jeans and too short shirt caused me to 1/2 moon several of Reagan’s friends? (Memorable quote: “Mom! You’ve scarred Z. for life!”)

Or the time NHBC dedicated the Taylor Dane classic “I Touch Myself” to me at a work Christmas party?

Or, as Katie put it, “the shower story.

“DO YOU HAVE A GOOD LUCK CHARM?”

Yep, I have on my “Welcome to Las Vegas” underpants.

SS and I drew upon all of our combined knowledge of psychology in filling out the application. “Maybe possessing a lucky charm leads a contestant to think they should go “all the way?” Thus making the show more entertaining? Time to find a lucky rock.

Maybe the applicant should have no embarrassing story, indicative of a truly outgoing nature, of someone that will jump around, lie on the ground and “whoot! whoot!” to his/her heart’s content?

Possibly the interesting thing about you (remember-“invisible,” so no bearded ladies or eleven fingered men) should be something conducive to a “theme show?” “I love to walk on burning embers!”

We’ve calling each other at random times, trying to catch the other off-guard, hoping to come up with the perfect gem of an answer. SS and I have known each other for 28 years; we should know each other’s eccentricities and oddball stories.

Of course, as my dear friend put it, “We have known each other so long that what would seem weird to others probably seems common place to each other.”

I thought “she’s probably right.” UNTIL I remembered that she loves raw (unpasteurized) milk and eggs, that she consumes large quantities of vinegar, coconut oil and fermented foods.

Weirdo.

(Coming tomorrow, the continuing adventure of our “Deal or No Deal” auditions.)

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5 Responses to “Deal or NO DEAL? Part 1.”

  1. idonotknowme Says:

    I Touch Myself was by DiVinyls. Thanks for the pleasant thoughts induced by the following: nude model, low rise jeans with too short shirt and wondering what I couldn’t see when you are dressed. Also, I agree that drinking raw milk and eggs are gross.

  2. jadedgirl Says:

    I Touch Myself was The Divinyls.

    LOL…

    I’m a big fat music geek, what can I say…
    ::wink wink::

    :o)

  3. Secret Server Says:

    Whooo!!! TEAM SPARKLE!!! For all the talk about your underwear, I didn’t even know they said “Welcome to Las Vegas”. Maybe you should mention in part 2 about the rules of “no taking off your clothes, no swearing, and no alcohol”. I will try to tell my version of the adventure later today too, after I get back from taking Grandma to vestibular therapy (which may make her vomit, but will probably help her vertigo”.

  4. jenjw4 Says:

    Jaded,
    The funny thing is, when I tried to google the song lyrics (yes, that was a risky google!) it came up with Blondie, too, and I (stupidly) hadn’t even realized the song was a remake.

    SS,
    Yes, you should write about it, too, it would be cool to read your impression of the whole thing (plus I tend to forget details!)
    Jennifer

  5. katearch1978 Says:

    After teasing boyfriend about having “A Few of My Favorite Things” for a ringback tone, he changed it to “I Touch Myself” just for me. I think he was trying to be romantic?

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