I’m self medicating…

This morning I got to experience the joys of incompetent tech support.
The employee at one of our satellite offices was attempting to install DSL and couldn’t get past the username/password screen.
I called AT & T and, after an interminable time answering questions from an automated voice:
“Have you been able to connect at all?”
“NO”
“Sorry, but I cannot understand your response.”
“NO!!”
“Sorry I cannot understand your response, please push 1 for NO, or 2 for shove it up your ass.” (Okay, it didn’t say that last part, but it might as well have…)

I ask the person, Oh!, the real human person, “How do we get assigned a user name and password?”
He asks what color the modem is and how many green lights are flashing. (In hindsight, I really wonder if he was totally fuckin’ with me)

I call the site:
“Hola, RE, gris or negra la modem, por favor?” “Numero verde el illuminata?”
“Gris, Quatro? Buenas dias”

Speaking to a 2nd tech support person, I exclaim triumphantly: “Four green lights and a grey modem!” Tech support guy: “Uh, well, we need the model number and type of modem.” SHIT.

I call RE back.

I have no idea how to ask for the model number in Espanol. Modelo? Modela? Tall skinny white chick + numero?

A third call to tech support begins with the tech guy announcing that with AT&T DSL you MAKE UP your own user name and password.

Necessitating a third call to RE to relay that information in butchered Spanglish:
“Cosmetico (a la AVON) tu password y user name. Hasta Luego”

She tried it; it didn’t work. (But, then maybe she was applying blush to her moniter, I’m not really sure.)

I get the bright idea to have her call AT&T and speak to someone in Spanish.

Finally, now, six hours later, her DSL is up and running.

And I have a wee headache that I’m soothing via Reeses Pieces, diet Coke and Tylenol.

I hate the chirpy phrase “TGIF!” but I’m totally feeling it today.

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10 Responses to “I’m self medicating…”

  1. diane vespa Says:

    Tech support for Technology is the absolute worst! I hate when they spend 3 minutes chit chatting with you before you even get a chance to get to the meat and potatoes of your problem…. when you finally get a live person your just NOT in the mood!!! Oh, hello, may I call you Diane? You can call me daffy duck just solve my problem g** d*** it!

  2. PeoriaIllinoisan Says:

    “May I have your account number please?” I just key punched the damn thing in! If that information is not going to be passed on to you, why did I waste my type pushing the little buttons?

  3. Kevin Lowe Says:

    My mom had this exact same issue with AT&T DSL. Needed a user name and password. The conversation with “tech support” was uncannily similar (minus the Spanish part).

  4. Ramble On Says:

    That’s why I use MTCO. Live human first time, very helpful and don’t make you feel like an idiot for asking the question.

  5. Cory Says:

    Yeah, the account number thing is superannoying. I dealt with the same thing today when I called CILCO. AFTER I key-punched my phone number and account number, I had to repeat both of them to the nice human lady with whom I spoke.

    By the way, “TGIF!” is far better than “Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays!”

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  10. keep passing the open windows » Blog Archive » Please hold. I thank you for please holding while on hold, please. Thank you. Says:

    […] I love tech support. […]

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