Archive for June, 2007

Duh.

June 25, 2007

Yesterday B. was watching Taylor make a stick figure cartoon on the computer; the program is a cross between an old fashioned “flip book” and the paint program on windows. The stick guys fight, carrying huge weapons (scimitars, scythes, etc) and both boys find it immensely amusing. It’s sort of like the “Three Stooges” of stick fighting action.
At one point I heard B. say “Taylor, you should put in some blood splatters.” Taylor, in his scornful, teenager-y, eye-rolling way said “B. these are stick guys, they don’t bleed.”

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Rough life

June 22, 2007

Me: “Hey Reagan, why aren’t your dishes done?”
Reagan: (rolls eyes) “MOOOOOM, I was busy today. I was at the POOOOL.”

It’s not rocket science.

June 19, 2007

I spent last week at day camp, teacher assisting a rocket’s class. It was hot, fun, hot, frustrating, fun and hot. My class consisted of thirteen 9-13 year old boys. A lively, interesting bunch.
A few interesting conversations I had:
Me: “Let’s glue these styrofoam cups together for the body of the rockets.”
J: “I don’t know how to make a rocket”
Me: “Right now we are just gluing the cups together, the teacher is going to tell us what to do next.”
J: “But I don’t know how to build a rocket!”
Me: “It’s okay, the teacher will give us directions.”
J: “BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW To BUILD A ROCKET!!”
Me: “Let’s just concentrate on the gluing”
J: “BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW To BUILD A ROCKET!!!”

Repeat approximately 60 times over the next hour.
Once the rocket is complete:
Me: “Your rocket looks very nice, J”
J: (softly) but I don’t know how to build a rocket….

Another recurring theme was the torture and killing of cicadas.
Me: “Please don’t hurt the cicadas”
Kids: “But there are millions of them”
Me: “That doesn’t mean you should torture them”
Kids: “But they are going to die soon anyway”
Me: (almost certainly in my head) “So are you”

Oh, shit.

June 11, 2007

Making a wrong turn, “Shit!”
Taylor’s delightful response: “Shit, mom you shouldn’t say ‘shit’ or, shit, we might say ‘shit’ too, and that would be really shitty.”

June 11, 2007

Me: What’s this ‘Degrassi’ show about?
B: Oh, there’s this guy and he likes this girl but then he likes this other girl, it’s like one of those love triangles.
Me: Oh, so it’s a story about love?
B: No, it’s a story about makin’ love.

This has not been enhanced for comedic effect (or is it affect?)

June 8, 2007

My yesterday:
1. After picking up a friend in the country, Taylor and said Friend made a kite out of tissue paper and dental floss. And flew it out the back window of my car.
2. Upon arriving home they T.P.’d our garage. I caught them, ordered them to clean it up.
3. Went out to check on them and they were standing on the slanted roof of the garage.
4. They finally calmed down, using the computer, they changed my log-in to windows to “PooPoo McPooperson” and my icon to a pile of dog doo.
5. They ate the cooling batch of brownies their sister made. She proceded to wish them a “slow and painful death” and to call them “Bastards!” Early bedtime for her.
6. Sitting down, finally, to read. My cell phone starts making this beeping noise, 3-4 beeps later I check it. Five instant messages from stewing daughter, all reading “i hate u! i hate u!….”

All in all, not a bad night at the Wood house.

June 7, 2007

“Knocked Up”

June 5, 2007

No, not me, the movie.
It was good. But I’ll leave you with one thought:
Who gets a bikini wax when they are nine months pregnant?

Siberia

June 4, 2007

Taylor: Where’s the remote?
Chris: I don’t know… in a remote location?