My daughter is grounded, and it’s way worse on me then on her, I do believe. Why do I feel so bad that she feels bad when I know she should feel bad for screwing up? Anyway, grounded from TV, the phone and video games, she is pretty bored and is spending all her time baking. And making marshmallow fondant, which I find inexplicably irresistible. I may have to unground her just to save my waistline.
Is my asthma inhaler supposed to have similar affects to those good old fashioned whip-its! my friends (you know who you are!) and I used to purchase and huff? Because it does. But maybe I’m doing it wrong?
Sunday I went hiking with my friends Lemur, Coyote and MarySue. Coyote and MarySue were rock/fossil/Native American artifact-hunting while Lemur and I huffed and puffed our way up and down a couple of hills. After rejoining the searchers we were chatting about blood pressure and Lemur said “I hate having my blood pressure taken, almost worse than anything.”
My response: “Worse than anal sex?”
I am sure Lemur’s husband, the aforementioned Coyote, thinks I’m a big fat weirdo.
Plus, thinking about this later in the evening I got really paranoid. What if Lemur and Coyote had recently had an anal sex escapade and enjoyed it? And now Coyote is worried that Lemur lied about her level of satisfaction? Or what if they had and then sworn each other to secrecy and now Coyote thinks she broke their vow of silence? Or what if they haven’t and now he thinks she cheated on him?
Mind you, this was right after I had told them all this story.
On our hike we also discussed my irrational fear of serial killers/rapists in the woods. I don’t worry about getting mugged/raped/killed on dark city streets, but there’s something about being surrounded by nature that makes me fretful. MarySue and Lemur conceded that it freaked them out, too, making me feel slightly less like an anxiety-ridden crackpot. Shortly later we overtook and attempted to pass a lone woman walking on the trail. MarySue was in the lead, said “excuse me” and went to pass, accidentally bumping into the woman, who fell over. She was wearing headphones! Is that not crazy? I really wanted to tell her, ”You know, with headphones on you really have no chance of escaping the hiking serial killer rapist.”
In this whole “going back to school” process I’ve found out that there are some weird scholarship opportunities out there. One requires that you write an essay in the form of a letter to your state representative expounding upon the merits of Zero Population Growth. Another requires a 7,500 word paper on the history of cartography. (The ZPG one I’m applying for, the cartography one, I think not, that’s a longass paper!) I’m also applying for a scholarship through the Chicago Urban League. Interestingly that one requires a photo ID but doesn’t require that I live in either Chicago or an urban area. Another requires proof of anal copulation. (Okay, not really.)
If you have a chance, please drop by and visit Keely of “The Un Mom.” While you’re there, please beg her not to kick me out of Random Tuesday Thoughts for my depravity.