BDV

Reagan has a friend, S., that is a foreign exchange student  from the Ukraine.  Yep, poor girl came all the way from the cold Ukraine to the cold mid-west.  One of S’s friend got sent to Hawaii.  I’m sure she’s not jealous at all!

S. has a really good grasp of English.  Occasionally, though, you have to explain a word or phrase  to her.  Like “spazz” or “ditch” or “back door virgin.”

Is it wrong that I’ve now nicknamed “S.” as “BDV?”

Reagan and BDV are both going to prom this year and I have the joy of taking them both shopping later this  month.  Prom, already?   But Rea’s still my baby!   In honor of the upcoming prom I’m trying to start a new slang phrase:

ON like a PROM DRESS!” 

As, in “Boy, I can’t get the lid off this jar of pickles.  It’s ‘ON like a PROM DRESS.”   Or, wow, you are WWAAYYYYY  too young to have sex.  That dress better stay ON like a PROM DRESS.”   

All joking aside,  Reagan and I have been talking about sex and relationships a lot.  Her boyfriend’s parents have set up some  rules, such as they are allowed to hug goodbye, and he can put his arm around her shoulders, but “NO TOUCHING” and “NO sex before marriage.”

Reagan told me about the birds and the bees convo they had with E.   Then she told me that everyone at her school already thinks they are having sex.  I asked “WHY???!!!”  And she said, “you know, because he’s a junior.” 

I guess ALL juniors have sex?  (At least that’s what the kids think.  Of course, as an adult, I think they all think “EVERYONE  BUT ME IS! HAVING! SEX!!!”)

Which, of course, logically means “NOT EVERYONE IS HAVING SEX!!”

The hardest part of the conversation is getting across the idea that I simultaneously think she’s wonderful, responsible, smart, etc, but still NOT READY to have sex.   It seems that every teenager thinks he/she is the most mature teenager ever.   (And, as such, is READY to have sex.  Because, you know, all the other LESS mature teenagers are doin’ it. ) 

Ironically, the mere fact that they think they are ready to have sex is PROOF that they aren’t ready to have sex!

Luckily, Rea has said that she is too young when I’ve broached the subject of the pill (She responded “Geez, mom, I’m only 15!  I”m not going to have sex anytime soon!”)  Which is a relief.  I’ve stressed to her that I don’t think she’s ready, that she couldn’t support a child, and I’m keen on reminding her of her goals -going away to college, travelling, lots of fun life experiences-which are a lot more difficult to reach with a baby in tow.

I should know.  LOL.  Not that I regret having my kids, they are wonderful.  But as a returning student, it’s WAYYYY harder (and less fun) attending college when you are simultaneously dealing with a job, a spouse and kids.   For example, this last week I had a test, a project, multiple writing assignments, a quiz and I had to chauffeur kids around town, celebrate Valentine’ day, bake cookies (okay, I will admit that was a “want” rather than a “need” but it’s how I relax)  and I had to take Taylor to the doctor.

Speaking of Taylor, he gained 7 1/2 pounds!   Very good news.   I really think this whole weight loss thing was a way for him to grasp for some independence and autonomy.  It was something he could control.   (And his parents, in his mind, could do nothing about.)

Luckily for me, he hates going to the doctor.  (Which, isn’t pleasant when you are with him at the doctor’s office and he’s sighing and rolling his eyes and grumbling about how stupid this all is.)   His hatred of going to the doctor leaves him with two choices:

Lose weight and go to the doctor more, for more invasive tests

or

Gain weight and stop going to the doctor (other than for normal check-ups.)

This puts, as they say, “the ball in his court.”   I feel a little manipulative in that  by making those the only two options, I’ve pretty much made it certain he will chose option 2.   However, I also think that option 1 is not punitive, but a natural consequence if he continued to lose weight.

(He, of course, thinks there should be an option 3, in which I leave him be, but I just can’t do that.)

Anyway, the 7 1/2 lb weight gain makes me think it’s working.  I’m also working on addressing some familial issues within our household.  My husband has been kind enough to start a new routine in which he makes breakfast for the family every weekday.  Chris works long hours, which makes a family dinner every night impossible.   (The kids and I eat together, but Chris gets home a couple of hours later) Breakfast together is more do-able.    Chris and Taylor have been going out to eat together on Tuesday nights (Chris is off at 6 pm on Tuesdays.)  And I have been making Taylor chat more, even if he doesn’t seem to enjoy it, LOL.  

I also hope to get Taylor more involved in grocery shopping and food preparation.   I think it’s important that he has healthy eating habits and I do worry that the focus has now become “get him to eat as many calories as possible!”  Which, while it may have been necessary at the time, is not the healthiest eating pattern.    (As evidenced by my 20 lb weight gain, LOL!)

Anyway, I think the situation is resolving itself and, hopefully, will end up being a positive, due to a renewed emphasis on family.  Thanks to all who have shown concern; I was really fearful posting about it, that people would think my son has horrible issues and that I am a terrible parent.   -Jennifer

2 Responses to “BDV”

  1. kyooty Says:

    Glad to hear he’s up the 71/2 that’s a good gain at this age. I have no idea what BDV means. As my kids are way younger nad I don’t have girls, I’ don’t know what I’d be doing in the same situation but BC pills scare the crap out of me.

    • Jennifer Says:

      Kyooty,
      BDV=Back door virgin. How, I miss my kids being younger! It was harder physically, but way less complicated.
      I am feeling much better about Taylor, too. I’m not sure if he’s gained anymore but he’s been eating more, so that’s good.
      Jennifer

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